The finale LIVE-BLOG! by Stephani <3

Out of courtesy to my West Coast readers, I delayed posting until now. You’re welcome.

[I’m watching this on Tivo so the times would not be accurate. So I will be updating with bullet points.]

Here we go…

– Opening montage of Kris vs. Adam from last night. Cue dramatic freeze-frames, spotlights, overpraise from the judges and Ryan Seacrest doing what he does best.

– Adam and Kris in white! Love them. SO sexy.

– Kimberley Locke and Janice “Muppet Face” Dickinson are in the audience!

– 100 million votes, kiddos… Ryan’s voice just cracked at that insane number.

– Randy Jackson is dressed like a black Howdy Doody. I wish I was kidding. Cue montage of him saying “for me, for you” over and over AND OVER AGAIN in his judging.

– New judge Kara DioGuardi and a montage of her patronizing habit of calling bad auditioners “sweetie” and/or “honey”. I hate people who do that.

– Paula “Vicodin and vodka” Abdul and a montage of her using freaking SAT words. Are you guys NOW convinced that bitch reads from a script?? Was she ever this articulate before? No.

– Simon looks bored. But here’s a weird montage of him saying “what?” over and over again. I don’t get it.

– Helloooo Carrie Underwood. Nice prom dress.

– Some fix Kris’ mic please. Oh wait, Adam’s is all wonky too. This show rakes in how much money and they can’t get this right?

– Oh hai Mikalah Gordon in Conway, AR. Why is this bitch on my TV and why is she interviewing a three year old?

– The less also-ran Carly Smithson is in San Diego for Adam’s crowd… she’s less annoying than she was last year, somehow.

– OMG “So What” from Pink! I can’t help but love this song… and I am completely amused at the lack of the “I guess I just lost my husband” line. I think this is the first and last time we’ll ever hear the word “tool” on this show in that context. Megan looks bored, Scott looks lost, Adam and Allison look rawker, Jorge is running around the stage, and Michael is pointing at me. Oh look, Jasmine got a mini solo. I almost forgot about her. And Alexis is finally wearing pants.

– Hello David Cook… singing his new single “Permanent” in honor of his recently deceased brother. I think he wore this outfit on Mariah Carey night last season. Either way, I love him… this is a beautiful song. There’s nothing but raw emotion here. I wonder if the black armband he’s wearing is for his brother?

– Hello Justin Guarini and Michael Johns. Two guys I thought were super hawt in their respective seasons.

– Golden Idols! This always turns out to be full of LOLs.

– Okay, other than Norman Gentle, I don’t remember any of these guys… “I’m staying… I AM STAYING….” *cue molestation of the Idol logo* “Takes one to know one, sassy pants!” Oh I loved him. And Norman Gentle wins the Golden Idol… says he doesn’t even have a speech planned… uh huh… and OFF comes the clothes and here he is in his super random Norman Gentle attire… for whatever reason, this never gets old for me.

– Has anyone ever laid down on the Idol steps before?? Nice shoutout to the “lady in the purple shirt”…

– Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah duet. Nothing interesting to see here… no really. That was incredibly boring.

– Anoop and Alexis are starting in on the amazing “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz…. and hello, Mr. Mraz. Weird facial hair aside, I effing love this guy and want to do him. The three of them sound really quite fabulous together. And with the rest of the finalists, I think this may be my most favorite finale group sing… or at least in the top three.

– The journey of Kris Allen… was quite a journey indeed. These montages always make me get all teary eyed… Smokey loved him, Jamie Foxx loved him, Kara said he was a dark horse. And don’t even get me started on all of his adorable shocked faces when he advances to a bigger level. I heart him.

– Kris is singing with Keith Urban… not gonna lie, this song does absolutely nothing for me.

– The ladies are singing the popular about two years ago “Glamorous“… and lordy, is Megan the worst sounding contestant the top 12 has ever seen? Because I can find NO redeeming factor in her voice.

– I’m so over Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas. Seriously dudes. I love her heels, but I hate this song. Allison is wearing THE cutest dress, though.

– Another Golden Idol for “best attitude” or some crap… featuring Bikini Skank, methface girl and some other freak… and Bikini Skank wins and comes on stage in another bikini and OMG HELLO FAKE TITS. Simon even said “wow”. And he’s jaded.

– “I was gonna ask you what’s new, but I think I know.” Oh Seacrest, how I love you. You earn that insane paycheck.

– Skank is butchering Mariah again like she did in her audition… somewhere Mariah is like “oh HELL NO”.

– Well hello Kara… I don’t like you, but you sound a hell of a lot better than Bikini Skank, who does not look thrilled at being upstaged. In the audience, David Cook approves.

– I love that Allison is singing a slowed-down acoustic version of “Time After Time” with Cyndi Lauper. I still don’t believe she’s 17. This is probably the most spot-on duet in a number of seasons.

– Kris’ parents are so freaking adorable. Although Mama Allen really shouldn’t be wearing that dress. Adam’s parents look a little more “city”… but still adorable.

– Danny Gokey sings “Hello” by Lionel Richie and all I can think is “I miss David Cook.” Man, Lionel has aged really well. As much as I love his songs… this has to be the cheesiest duet EVER.

– The screams for Adam were WAY louder than those for Kris.

– Adam’s journey on Idol as set to “Viva la Vida”. And I don’t know but I think Adam has invested in some serious ProActiv since his audition. God he’s bloody sexy.

– Okay, anyone who still thinks Adam is straight after seeing him in this ensemble is freaking blind. It looks like “The Crow” mated with “Rocky Horror Picture Show”.

– OMG KISS! Do I really need to say more?? Other than the fact that Adam is completely holding his own with these guys…

– Hello Carlos Santana… I think this is the closest thing Matt will have to a solo tonight, which is no bueno. And now all the Idols are decked out in red and black singing “Smooth“. Adam and Kris pull off the sexy, while Jorge and Gokey make a worthy attempt. Looks like Alexis is back to not wearing pants. Allison and Adam are so BFFworthy together. I love that blind Scott is making more of an effort than Megan is. I’m seriously worried he’s about to fall off the stage.

– This Ford video shows even more that Adam and Kris are the best top two EVAH.

– Scruffy looking David Cook surprises the dudes with their own new Ford Fusion, and both guys know what’s going on pretty much immediately.

– Steve Martin and his completely random banjo skills join Megan and Michael in a duet. Wow, Michael is making me forget that I never liked him. He sounds great here, and he’s so freaking adorable too. Aww.

*cue quote from “Armageddon”*

“And this is the best that you – that the government, the *U.S. government* can come up with? I mean, you’re NASA for cryin’ out loud, you put a man on the moon, you’re geniuses! You’re the guys that think this shit up! I’m sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up and somebody backing them up! You’re telling me you don’t have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world’s hope, that’s what you’re telling me??”

– The guys are completely unconvincing while singing “If You Think I’m Sexy“… except Kris and Adam. Man, did we EVER pick the right two out of that group of dudes. Stop riffing, Matt. I love that Adam’s glory note drowns out everyone else.

– Damn, Rod. You’re sounding rough. Like, REALLY rough. Dig the used car salesman jacket.

– One last Golden Idol award! Oh hey Tatiana Del Toro. I’m pretty sure that “batshit crazy” is too nice of a description for you.

– I am still trying to figure out of this is scripted. I seriously have NO IDEA. Ryan told Tatiana not to come on stage but she does anyway, followed by two unsuccessful stage hands. If this is staged, Ryan deserves an Academy Award, because I honestly have no idea if it is or not. LOL at Ruben in the audience looking scared and/or confused.

– “Both are victorious.” Best description ever. Kris and Adam’s duet on “We Are The Champions” … I think this is always the part of the finale that makes me all emotional…. WELL HELLO THERE QUEEN! Gokey, THIS is how you duet. Even though Adam is more bombastic, it’s still a duet and not a showdown. They truly respect and care about each other, and that’s so much fun to watch.

– And here we go to the actual results… Simon tells the guys they’re both brilliant, incredibly nice people and should be proud of what they’ve achieved.

– KRIS ALLEN WINS! The finalists all look incredibly thrilled, Adam swoops him up in a huge hug. Kris is basically like, “are you freaking kidding me?” and continues to be speechless and humble and … oh wow, Simon is definitely NOT standing for Kris.

– Oh geez, does Kris really need to sing this crap song? Can’t he sing “Falling Slowly” or something? Oh well… he looks so adorable and overwhelmed. I can safely say that this is the first season of Idol where the winning Idol was someone I never once envisioned actually WINNING. But I couldn’t be more thrilled. Congrats Kris. ❤

– And on a final note… Jorge has gotten a LOT of face time tonight! You go, Puerto Rico.

Michael Jackson night fails to bring 13 continuous trainwrecks.

Stephani here! Here we go… the Top 13. The first round of the finals. A sink or swim round for many Idol performers.

First of all, I’m feeling like this season is a bit disjointed… there’s WAY too much focus on the judges. First with the semi-finals format forcing a wild card round [all of whom were chosen by the judges], the weird intro they had tonight and now some kind of results show twist? Seriously? if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it… but they are anyway.

Oh well… onto the people we actually vote for.

1.) Lil Rounds – The Way You Make Me Feel. First of all, WHAT is she wearing? White tapered mom jeans and a cotton candy pink loofah on her shoulder? Well, girl has stage presence, at the very least. She reminds me of a combo of LaToya and Fantasia from season three – shouty meets young married mom. She was good, but the continual pimping will keep her afloat.

2.) Scott McIntyre – Keep the Faith. I suppose it was this or “Heal the World”, right? I just knew dude would sing something inspirational. He busted out the grand piano and I think this was the best he’s been in weeks. Of course, that isn’t saying much because the main reason he made the finals was his super inspirational backstory and the fact that the judges treat him with kid gloves. I still want to see him stick around, though, if only to see how he handles the cheesetastic group sings and to see if they put him behind the wheel of a Ford in a pimpmercial. Yeah, I’m going to hell.

3.) Danny Gokey – PYT. All I could think about before he sang was, “Didn’t Justin Guarini massacre this song in season one?” Luckily, Danny fared much better, even though his totally off-the-wall dork dancing sometimes overshadowed his very good vocals. I like this guy, but I may not continue to if the judges keep pimping him to high heavens. The last guy who had great vocals and drunk-uncle-at-a-wedding dance moves was Taylor Hicks… don’t they hate him now?

4.) Michael Sarver – You Are Not Alone. God, I HATE this song. The video tainted it for me years ago… creepy. Anyway, he does a passable job and he keeps doing this creepy smiling thing during the song and I can’t get over how much he reminds me of Josh Gracin from season two. They’ve both got that whole “I’m American, freedom isn’t free, yadayada” thing going for them. Oh and in case anyone out there forgot, he works on an oil rig. Just saying.

5.) Jasmine Murray – I’ll Be There. Jacko sang this as a wee one with the Jackson 5, and Jasmine is the token pretty Disney princess of the season, so I guess this fits. Again, a passable job, but not at all exciting. I’d rather go listen to the Mariah Carey cover. Not to mention she was flat and looked like she was competing for Miss Teen Mississippi. Not safe.

6.) Kris Allen – Remember the Time. Oh, Kris. You are my token Idol crush for this season. You and your cute dimples and cute guitar playing and cute, well, everything. I suppose it helps that he’s quite talented, though he didn’t get much screen time so he needs to bring it to stay in the game. He was also very good tonight – he needs to bring out the guitar more often because it’s obvious he’s a better performer with it. The best part? When Simon called him out for talking about his wife because of the teenage girl vote, and wifey giving Simon a massive bitchface from the audience. Priceless.

7.) Allison Iraheta – Give In To Me. I like this girl. She’s super young, but it’s not obvious – she’s not a pretty pageant princess or anything. And her voice is unlike any other 16-year-old I’ve heard, except maybe Christina Aguilera back then. This was a great song for her and she rocked it out. I’m pretty sure if she doesn’t completely blow out her voice, she’s gonna make it very far. Then after the judges told her to be less dark, she makes a random comment about how she’s not on stage cutting herself or anything. I decided to vote for her after that.

8.) Anoop Desai – Beat It. The judges need to give the kid a break. He wasn’t bad – not great either – but hell, after their comments you’d have thought he sacrificed kittens on stage. They were right about one thing, though – it’s a very “karaoke” song unless you can seriously bring the angst and do something new with it. Unfortunately, Anoop Dawg seems like a nice guy who isn’t really capable of this kind of angst, so maybe he should have sang “In the Closet” or something. I dunno.

9.) Jorge Nunez – Never Can Say Goodbye. Holy cruise ship, Batman. This wasn’t bad by any stretch – but what was it? Oh right, boring. He’s got a great voice, but when I hear him sing I envision generic looking Chippindale waiters serving me Bahama Mamas by the pool on the lido deck. I don’t think this kid has long for this competition – unless Puerto Rico is the new Hawaii. Time will tell.

10.) Megan Corkrey – Rockin’ Robin. All the songs in the Michael Jackson catalog and she chooses THIS? There are no words, really… other than trainwreck. I can’t deal with her flailing that she tries to pass off as dancing, and she’s not a fit up here on this stage – she’s definitely more suited for smaller venues, and she’s completely outshined. I don’t care how “current” she is. And seriously, someone tell me what was up with those bird calls at the end?

11.) Adam Lambert – Black or White. The most flamboyant Idol contestant to date sings one of MJ’s most flamboyant songs. It’s quite fitting. Pimped-out lighting aside, I loved it. The level of talent, stage presence and self-awareness is so refreshing that I don’t care that he’s probably a ringer. For once I think the judges were totally spot-on with their over-the-top raves. I can’t wait to see what he pulls out in the future. Oh, and he’s hot.

12.) Matt Giraud – Human Nature. This kid is a professional. With both last week’s and tonight’s performances, he has completely erased the “Viva la Vida” debacle for me. Like Scott, he channeled his piano skills into a very impressive performance and all I could think was how much he resembled Justin Timberlake – both in appearance and performance quality. He didn’t need to bust out the glory notes here and this understated performance was one of the best of the night.

13.) Alexis Grace – Dirty Diana. I so wouldn’t have picked her for the pimp spot, but I guess someone new had to get it. Once again she channeled her inner Katy Perry and “dirtied” it up for America. I like her well enough, but she’s just… there for me. The pimp lighting made her performance seem so much better than it really was. I guess they need to prop the girls up this season, though, with the bevy of male talent they have.

Top 13 Predictions!!!

The show is airing on the west coast in just under two hours.

Here’s my quick predictions as to what Michael Jackson songs each contestant will be singing tonight.

Michael Sarver-As much as I would love to see this guy sing Don’t Stop til You Get Enough. But I don’t think thats going to happen. Im going to guess that’ll he’ll be the one to sing That Girl is Mine.

Scotty Mac- Heal the World. He’ll make it through with the sympathy vote.

Jasmine Murray- This young lady who may suffer from Lisa Tucker syndrome. She may flame out on the big stage. And she will be singing the ballad Ben.

Adam Lambert- I can’t decide if he’ll do fast Mike or slow Jam Mike. I would love to see him rock to The Way You Make Me Feel. But then again I think he would be able to sing She’s Outta My life (but that will probably go to Danny Gokey)
Danny Gokey- I think this kid is going to do awesome tonight. Either with Shes Outta My Life. But at the same time, he may do You Are Not Alone and have a moment.

Anoop Dogg!- I know this guy, if he wants to stay will have to do a fast jam. I think he’ll go Remember the Time

Matt Giraud- Definitely ballad. maybe a soulful version of Beat It.. That could be a moment.

Megan Jo Corkrey- I dont care what she sings. I just know for a fact, that her arms will shake, and I will stare at her tattoo. Because I think her tattoo might be better than last years plant. You know who!!

Lil Rounds- Shes going to have a bomb performance. And I think shes going ballad. But I can’t figure out which one she’ll do.

Kris Allen- He already did Man in the Mirror, and did it well. So I think he might step up the tempo. Which will probably be a mistake. So he might actually do Dont Stop til you get enough… Well see.

Allison Irhaeta- Love this chick! She can sing any MJ song. Im absolutely juiced for her. Who knows…

Jorge Nunez- He has to do Ben. or Heal The World. Because he is absolutely cheesy. He may even sing some of the lyrics in spanish!

Alexis whatshername???- I’ve already forgotten her since the semifinal round allows ONE fuckin’ performance!!!!! So she’ll sing her ass off!!! Maybe Smooth Criminal!?!??

Alright here we go. Im about to watch it!!! Stay tuned! FOR MY RECAP BLOG!!!! ALSO MRS. STEPHANIE SHOULD HAVE HERS UP SOON!!

HERE WE GO!