Utterly Horrendous

Top 9 – Beatles night! [again]

Posted in American Idol by alaskansteph on April 7, 2010

Hi y’all, it’s Stephani!

So… after several mediocre episodes of season 9 on Idol, tonight was not at all terrible.

I hate that that’s the best thing I can say about tonight’s episode, but this season has thus far been a stunning display of mediocrity and Simon essentially phoning it in [knowing it’s his last season].

But then, the music of The Beatles is pretty epic. There are very few songs I can’t sing along to [one of which was sung tonight], and it’s the music of both my childhood and an entire generation [and then some]. I really didn’t have a lot of high hopes for tonight, honestly. But my expectations were definitely exceeded.

First, those in danger…

Aaron: The lineup did him no favors, and neither did “The Long and Winding Road“. I remember when David Archuleta did this one in season 7, when he was so far ahead of the pack it was ridiculous. It’s a slow song – not the kind you want to start off the night with. I respect his reasoning [he said it describes his journey on Idol] but I really think it will land him in the bottom 3 tomorrow. Compared to some of the showstoppers tonight, it was forgettable.

Here’s Archie’s superior version [not by much, though] –

Andrew: He’s very lucky he had a bit of a resurgence last week, because otherwise, this would have been the last straw for him. “Can’t Buy Me Love” is definitely one of The Beatles’ more recognizable and catchy songs, but it’s not the kind of song you sing to showcase your vocals. He was a one-trick pony long before this, but he may still have some goodwill leftover from last week. Not to mention those who want to do some Andrew-Lee ‘shipping.

Katie: As Top Idol calls her, “Smug Teen Witch” is doing herself no favors. She’s a former frontrunner who fell hard when her inexperience and sort of snooty attitude began to work against her. “Let It Be“, for her, was pageanty. The judges liked it, but I almost fell asleep, and I think her fanbase is wearing thin. The second spot is also known as the “death spot” for a reason – you’ve gotta really tear away from the pack to stand out. “Blackbird” would have been a far better choice for her.

For the record, here’s how you do “Let it Be” on Idol without sounding like a pageant princess –

And here’s why I think Katie would have done Blackbird better; her range is right on par with this –

Those who rocked the house down!

Crystal: Not that I really need to mention it, because there has yet to be a week where she’s NOT awesome, but this girl needs to win. I fear her plateauing at some point, but everything about her is amazing. Her choice, “Come Together“, was quite likely the best I’ve heard on Idol, and I LOVED Kris’s version last season. Like, LOVED – it was on repeat on my iPod for weeks. She brought some Bonnie Raitt to it, and how cool was the digiridoo guy? Mad props.

Lee: He was blessed with the pimp spot, and he seemed so much more confident this week. “Hey Jude” is such a crowd-pleasing power ballad, even if it usually stretches on until the end of time, but he got the mosh pit bimbos into it, and even randomly brought out a real Scottish bagpiper. That takes cojones. He’s on an upward streak.

Casey: I completely think this was his best performance. It was smoldering, bluesy, gritty – everything a real musician like him SHOULD be. Not to mention “Jealous Guy” one of The Beatles’ lesser-known songs… I’m gonna download it. He’s fantastic and I think he’s getting better and better.

Those I said “meh” to.

Siobhan: She’s a “peak too-sooner”. Her shriek should have been saved for the eleventh hour – because we’ve pretty much heard everything she can do now. Even though Adam pulled out the same big guns early on, he was still able to shock the masses – I don’t think Siobhan has the same ability. She did herself a favor tonight by singing “Across the Universe” all subdued, but all I could think was “I could not care less”.

Big Mike: I really do like this guy – in fact, he’s probably one of the most likeable guys we’ve had on the show – but I found his version of “Eleanor Rigby” to be boring. I really think I’m just spoiled by David Cook‘s version, but … yeah. I don’t care.

Oh, and here’s David’s amazing Season 7 version. Because it is superior.

Last but not least… Tim Urban.

Yeah, he’s in his own category, even though I thought it was a dick move when Randy did the same, but this kid is Teflon Tim for a reason. But “All My Loving” was absolutely the right song and based on his Teflon-ness and absolute adorableness… I think he’ll be okay.

Share your thoughts!

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Venting about Season 9 and Top 12!

Posted in Uncategorized by thedavidlewexperience on March 18, 2010
"TOP" 12

"Top" 12 or Last 12 Left?

David Here! We dropped the ball the last week of the semi’s and didn’t post recaps or opinion columns!! As some of you know, aside from being too into American Idol, I’m a full time stand up comic. In the last few weeks I’ve been in Seattle, LA, San Francisco and Sacramento. So the only parts of Idol I’ve seen have been on Youtube. It does suck not being able to sit down and watch the episodes in their entirety; but when the alternative is performing and being on stage, I gotta pick performing!

Also, this season has been delivering serving after serving of letdown sauce! Andrew Garcia is the guy I’m rooting for week in and week out, but he has been stagnant. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed his rendition of Sugar We’re Going Down and I thought the judges were a little too harsh on him. I also think that Genie In a Bottle wasn’t bad either. I’m not sure what the judges are looking for, except they really loved Straight Up! I mean Straight Up was epic, so would it be out of line for him to do it again if the theme allowed it?? Andrew needs to have a “Billie Jean” moment soon or his days are numbered.

Also I was very disappointed in the Top 12 in general. This probably the most bland Idols Top 12 has been since I’ve been watching (which is Season 4). Can anyone name the Top 12 in its entirety without referring to a web site or rewinding the DVR? Maybe? You’d probably forget Katie Stevens or Lacey Brown or Paige Miles (before she let her love of MJ loose last week) This and Season 6 are the seasons where there haven’t been too many star-making “moments”, just performances. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Jordin and Blake Lewis from Season 6 but the lower half of that season was average at best (except for Brandon Rogers! I still wish he got the words right! He should have been Top 5 easily)

Maybe we’ve been spoiled the last two years with great talents: Adam Lambert, David Cook, Kris Allen, Jason Castro, Syesha, Allison Iraheta, Danny Gokey,  Matt Giraud, David Archuleta

Even though this argument has some holes in it. Yes, you can’t really compare this Top 12 yet to previous years since we haven’t seen their full growth yet. David Cook was just coming into his own Season 7 with his rendition of Hello put him on the Idol map. Matt Giraud was eliminated then brought back last year with their “Why did they get rid of it” Wild Card round. So this Top 12 can’t really be judged until we can actually reflect on the growth of individual contestants once the competition is done.

But I can tell you so far (except for Crystal Bowersox who I can see struggling with some future themes and Andrew in dire need of a “moment”) any of the previous seasons contestants would own and win this years Idol without breaking a sweat.

So the gauntlet has been set for this years Idols! Lacey Brown was the first victim of the Big Stage and its now down to 11! You make it through this elimination you get to Tour with the Idols! So this is a pivotal week, make it count!

DAVID OUT!

Top 10 Guys… but are they really TOPS?

Posted in Uncategorized by thedavidlewexperience on March 4, 2010

David Here! We sent home some surprising people last week! On the ladies side some airtime darlings went home- Janelle Wheeler and Ashley Rodriguez. Both had sub-par performances (as did 90% of the guys and girls), but I figured both were safe based on Hollywood week and their airtime earlier in the season.

On the fellas side, not so shocking. Except for Tyler Grady going home! Really America!? You would rather have the American Apparel model than a unique performer who was going to get better as the show progressed? Don’t get me wrong Tyler was never going to win, but he would have made for some good performances. We also said good bye to the nice kid Joe Munoz.

“Wait, Who is Joe Munoz?” Exactly. Moving on. Ask Season 8’s Jorge Nunez if it’s smart to speak spanish at any point! NOPE!

SO all that brings us to tonight! OH AND WAIT!? Whats this? The boys are up first due to Crystal Bowersox falling ill. I wonder if Paige Miles fell ill would they have switched nice or just moved on without her.

I’m also going to stand by my belief that the mics and sound mixing are making these performances worse than they are. I noticed it last year that they changed microphones, and it’s made a difference. You hear EVERYTHING and the voice is much louder than the band. This needs to be fixed or else these contestants will suffer for it.

TOP 10 BOYS

Michael Lynche Whoa! Where did this come from? Since the beginning, I haven’t really been a big fan. But he won me over on this one. He’s the only of the night with real swag. Singing “This is a Man’s World” and he owned the song from beginning to end. FIRST STANDING OVATION from Randy THIS SEASON! It was deserved. SAFE

John Park WAY better song choice. It’s more current and closer to his voice. But he is severely lacking any star quality. He’s likable, but not memorable. I would never sit during a semi-final performance. I can’t think of any that jump out at me. It takes people out of the performance. Judges were spot on. Except Simon was a little too harsh (which seems to be the case this season.) In trouble.

Casey James Did anyone else know what song Casey was going to sing after Seacrest mentioned Bo Bice, Elliott Yamin and Chris Richardson? Well, let me tell you I yelled “Gavin DeGraw” at the top of my lungs, and impressed everyone in the room. And guaranteed my single status for another 6 months. His performance DECIDEDLY split the judges panel; Randy and Ellen LOVED it, whereas Kara and Simon said vocally he took two steps back. I don’t think it was TWO steps back. More of a side step. He is definitely in the Top 12, so no critique matters at this point!

Alex Lambert So here’s the thing with this kid. Hands down him and Andrew Garcia have my favorite natural tones to their voice on the show (and maybe Lee Dewyze). But Alex Lambert looks like a 4th grader performing in front of his class every week. Not a star by any stretch. If he makes it through this elimination, he’ll have to step it up huge on the Swag Scale. In trouble.

Todrick Hall Adam Lamberts BOO! Once again he tackles another song and puts some funk on it. And again mixed to bad results. First he picked a great song that’s due for a revamp (even though they called the irrelevant. It is, hence due for a revamp), but I see it more of an acoustic revamp than an R&B revamp that Todrick gave it. During the first half of the song, he looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable stiff as board while singing. Kara noticed one he opened up and moved, the singing got better. My favorite song he’s done is his original song from his audition. Todrick and Jermaine both are trying to do too much vocally; too many runs! As much as I’m not a fan of his, he’s safe. SIMON QUOTE of the Day (to Todrick): “I say move but don’t sing.”

Jermaine Sellers ROCKIN’ the onesie! I love it! I have been wanting to get one for the longest. SO he better be safe for that reason alone. But let’s talk about his performance anyway. Probably the most boring and wrong song choice of the night. Singing What’s Goin’ On by Marvin Gaye, he did exactly what Simon said he did, which is “water down” the song. The beauty of Jermaine’s audition was that he took a simple song (vocally) like Joan Osbournes “One Of Us” made it current and put a soulful tinge to it. He has taken that and is now in competition with himself to do the most runs ever in the shows history! If he sang it simply without so many runs, he could have made it a classic performance. He’s the Idol i’m most disappointed with. Unfortunately in danger

WEIRDEST CONTESTANT QUOTE : “I know God. I’m gonna be here.” -Jermaine Sellers

 Andrew Garcia Andrew Andrew Andrew! Tell me you didn’t peak during Hollywood week? Don’t get me wrong I actually loved his performance last week! But this week, even though I did like it. He hasn’t blown anyone out the box. Which he’s very capable of doing (we used to watch his Youtube clips before he was ever on the show). It doesn’t help that I don’t know the original James Morrison version, but this was an opportunity for him to get me to love this song.

I was told by a fan on Twitter (SHOUT OUT to @Raqu3l):

   @UtterlyH I think it’s nerves, n wondering if theyre telling him to enunciate more. He has a YT of that song, and its 10x’s better.

Let’s hope he shakes those nerves and has a memorable performance next week! What if he sang Straight Up again? JUST to shut everyone up about it already. Safe

Aaron Kelly  Season 9’s mix of David Archuleta and Kevin Covais. He’ll make it to around 8 or 9th place. That big stage will eat him up with that lack of stage presence. My Girl as your song? Really? Did you grandma pick the song? It worked I’ve already heard older women loving this kid. He’s safe

 Tim Urban Oh you lucky boy. How you avoided elimination last week is beyond me. But I can say this week was a little better. But if you don’t go home this week, i’m writing  a letter. *GOING HOME!*

*PIMP SPOT AWARD WINNER* Lee Dewyze

This dude knows his wheelhouse! Best song choice of the night! He made himself current and he’s the one I can hear on the radio right now. Loved his arrangement of the song. Just slight changes made it perfect. This kid is turning into a dark horse. I think he is a victim of the sound mixing with the occasional bum note that wouldn’t have been so apparent in previous seasons. Btw, Simon calling him the BEST singer in the competition…? I love the guy but did he mean commercially viable voice? But definitely Favorite performance of the night *SAFE SAFE*

There you have it. The “TOP” 10 boys. I gotta say, I’m feeling the same way I did when I watched Season 6 (Lot of forgettable contestants), even though this year has a few better talents than season 6 had at this point. A lot of these guys are lucky they got this far. I usually look forward to semi-finals performances. But with the new mics and lack of star quality, this is definitely being a letdown season so far. I hope it gets better.  Not a good start to Simons swan song season!

Quick prediction on who’s going home:

Tim Urban

John Park

Thanks for reading, this…has… been:

UTTERLY HORRENDOUS

 

Top 12 Boys! Oh what a letdown.

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on February 26, 2010

Andrew Garcia! Jermaine Sellers! Aaron Kelly!

These guys were the voices of Hollywood week! SOOOO WHAT HAPPENED?!?! Everybody was mediocre…except for Casey and Andrew Garcia. More on them later.

We didn’t have any Imagine moments (David Archuleta) or Moodys Mood For Love (Elliott Yamin), Daydream (Jason Castro),or Hello (David Cook). Need a refresher on what an amazing semi-finals performance sounds like.. take a gander

David Archuleta-Imagine

(this is what you with the Pimp spot of the night)

Elliott Yamin-Moody’s Mood For Love

(This is how you sing a difficult song and nail it)

David Cook- Hello

(this is how you establish yourself as a favorite)

Jason Castro- Daydream

(This is how you make up for NO airtime! Come out swingin’!)

Last night we got no performances that will be remember like these, except for Andrew Garcias take on Fall Out Boys “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down”

So lets go in order and re-live these performances, which for the most part weren’t very good.

Todrick Hall – The diva and a half. Took me to hear the chorus to realize what song he was singing. I did not like the arrangement at all. Nice that he took a risk, instead of singing Usher or something that’s been done. Unfortunately the risk didn’t pay off. He may be in trouble.

Aaron Kelly- He became the first victim of these overly sensitive, terribly mixed mics. I guarantee that if he had done that in season 7, that would have sounded perfect and amazing. Something is weird with the sound mix, and Ellen brought it up earlier in the show. I liked Aaron, he lacks confidence and star quality. He’ll make the Top 12 for sure just on airtime and adorable-ness alone.

Jermaine Sellers- The other Diva! But he was by far my favorite male audition of the year. But he tried to do TOO MUCH with his vocals. His voice is so perfect by doing simple riffs. No need to go as high as he does. And WHAT SONG was that?? He would have killed a Ne-Yo song, or remix a song the way he did with Joan Osbourne during his audition. This was my most disapointing performance of the night. I had HIGH expectations.  But he’ll be safe though.

Tim Urban– OneRepublics “Apologize” needs to go in the vault (along with Hearts “Alone) and never be sung again. David Archuleta was amazing with it. Oh Tim Tim Tim. From the first note and weird look into the camera, I knew this was the trainwreck of trainwrecks. And does Tim own a forehead? Can someone tell me? The judges are right, he may be safe because girls like him. We’ll see. He should go home in my book.

Joe Munoz- This was the guy who could have had a Jason Castro moment. He has had little to no airtime at all. So this was his moment to come out and tell America why he is on the show. And he kind of did it. He didn’t vomit on stage, so that was a plus. But no one will talk about this performance next week. I think he maybe in trouble, but I’d like for him to stick around.

Tyler Grady– He got lost in the fray during Hollywood, but he’s got huge personality. For me, his performance is when the show kicked off. Great energy, decent vocals, awesome stage presence. Next week, he has to sing something current and “Visit the mall” like he said. The show and judges are the ones that keep mentioning the “70’s” style”, he doesn’t make an issue out of it. Then they judge him about it… no bueno.  But he’s definitely safe.

Lee Dewyze- The most polarizing performance of the night! The judges were split (Simon LOVED it, the others didn’t. Which is rare) and the bloggers have been split on this guy! He took advantage of what little airtime he had during Hollywood and impressed judges and viewers. I love his natural tone and rasp to his voice. A lot of flat moments in this performance, so it was very frustrating to watch. They need monitors in their ears so they can hear themselves. Easily fixed. I liked his performance mostly based on what his voice is capable of. HE NEEDS TO SING USE SOMEBODY NEXT WEEK! That will be his Imagine or Hallelujah (Jason Castro) moment. Favorite moment of the night: When Ryan asked “What does it feel like, first time performing in front of millons? Lee says: Feels like I never want to lose this feeling…” OH,  He’s safe.

John Park- Wrong song! Wrong song! Wrong song! Last time this song was sung on the show, Katharine McPhee auditioned with it. And that should have remained the last time it was sung. John is my 2nd favorite Korean guy to grace the stage: Big ups to PAUL KIM! But I think this song was a tad better of a choice because it showed more range than Careful Whisper (which is what Season 6’s Paul Kim chose).  Ellen was right, it’s not the song you choose to have all the girls screaming after you. Next week, he needs to pick a song that’s more current that he can make his own! But he’s safe.

Michael Lynche- First question, why did he have a guitar?! He didn’t strum it once, twice maybe? The vocals were ho-hum. I think his personality shone through and that’ll carry him through. But the performance was ho-hum at best.  He needs to sing a ballad next time and just knock it out of the park. Not the John Park. haha. He’s safe.

Alex Lambert- This kid has got such a great tone to his voice, probably one of my favorites. But wow this is the most awkward performance in the semi finals since Jason Yeager season 7 “Moon River.” REMEMBER HIM!?! He should be singing on cruise ships and making really good money!

Back to Alex, he has a great voice, but terribly awkward on stage. So if he stays (which he might), he’ll need to do A LOT of work to stick around again.

Casey James- Did you guys hear about him and Kara? Oh you have? Its because thats all they talk about with him! Which is too bad, because this guy is awesome. What a great look, style and voice! Complete package. If he doesn’t screw up, he’ll go deep into the Top 12. Maybe 5 or 6, but a theme week will be the end for him, I can tell. This was probably my favorite performance of the night besides Andrews. And DEFINITELY my favorite version of Bryan Adams “Heaven” sung on the show. Its been done by David Archuleta and Elliott Yamin (possibly others? Let me know!). But I loved him starting out with the acoustic, great choice. He’s DEFINITELY safe.

Andrew Garcia- My man! The guy who sang “Straight Up” during Hollywood Week. The judges just did not enjoy his rendition of Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down” and I was floored. I could tell it wasn’t on the level with “Straight Up” but compared to the earlier performances, this was tops. It was original and it showcased his vocals, although I can seem him challenging his vocals even more. Maybe a stripped down Maroon 5 song? But I absolutely dug it, so much in fact HERE’s the performance right here! Oh yeah he’s safe, blah blah. Obviously!

predictions

WHO IS GOING HOME!?

Tim Urban

Tim Urban

Joe Munoz

Just forgettable

And also stephi told me to let you guys know her choices for elimination are TIM URBAN and JERMAINE SELLERS!

So there we go! That’s it for round 1 of Semi-finals! Tonight are the results and a live performance by ALLISON IRAHETA singing Scars!

We’ll see if we were right or wrong!

UNTIL NEXT TIME! THIS HAS BEEN…..

UTTERLY HORRENDOUS!

Top 12 girls… the voting is on!

Posted in Uncategorized by alaskansteph on February 25, 2010

Voting rounds begin tonight! Who will sink? Who will swim? And why does everyone look so effing YOUNG?

THIS… is American Idol!

I know it’s a girl’s year this year, so maybe that’s why they’re kicking it off with a mostly pretty, sort of alternative, some slightly grungy ladies? Do ALL of them shop at American Apparel?  Their general style appears to be “I’m really super trendy, but I want to look alternative, so I’ll just pile on all this jewelry from Forever 21 and get some Manic Panic”.

Glad to know Ellen is on point with the humour. She’s a great addition to the judge’s table. Although she showed this staged “leg grabbing” video on her show last week.

Paige Miles is cute but sounds insanely affected in her pre-performance interview. Singing “All Right Now” … ummm, sweetie, no. I think she forgot to watch season 7 when David Cook knocked this out of the park. Not to mention, she’s wearing a larger size of the dress I wore on Christmas day when I was six. So it makes it really hard to take her seriously. Grungy 70s rock + Jessica McClintock knockoff = bipolar performance. How old is she? 24? Shut up. No 24 year old would wear that damn dress.

I’m really not crazy about Ashley Rodriguez. I wasn’t crazy about her in Boston when they fawned all over her mediocre version of yet another out-played Alicia Keys song, and my opinion hasn’t changed. She sounded like crap singing a bloody Jordin Sparks song that has virtually no range. There you go… all you need to know. Oh, and she’s singing that Leona Lewis song [“Happy“] that was all over the TV spots for “Precious“. So any time now I expect to see Mo’Nique throwing a TV down the stairs at Gabourey Sidibe.
I take it she’s the type to use melisma to cover up the fact that she can’t hold a note. And to sing a Leona Lewis song in front of the man who basically created her career was pretty brave. Her early airtime will keep her in for now.

Apparently Janell Wheeler dated Tim Tebow. Somehow, she strikes me as the type to do so. I liked her acoustic version of Estelle’s “American Boy” in Hollywood but I’m really having an issue warming up to her. She looks like all the vapid blondies I went to college with in Oklahoma. But she’s singing a Heart song, so maybe she’ll redeem herself?
This song – “What About Love” – is WAY too big for her. Ann and Nancy Wilson didn’t mess around; hell, even Melissa McGhee in Season 5 did a pretty good job with this song. But she is all over the place – her voice is just not even close to being strong enough for this song. If she chose something lighter [Estelle was a perfect artist to emulate] it would have worked but this was a hot mess.

Lilly Scott has hella cool hair – I love that grey-blonde razored look she has. It’s unique without being overdone. And she’s singing an adorably cute Beatles song – “Fixing a Hole” – accompanied by guitar! I like her a lot already.
Her voice isn’t perfect, but it has a very quirky unpolished tone that seems to fit her. This is the kind of song that stands out – unknown, but not forgettable. Her dress is uber-cute and she certainly knows how to work a camera. Simon said he liked that it seemed she chose the song because it fit her and portrayed her, instead of choosing a song that would her get to the next round. I think she’s unpolished – we need more “unpolished”, fewer producer plants.
Oh, and Kara, you’re on live television. Quit with the sneaky whispering to Simon. This ain’t middle school, sweetie.

Katelyn Epperly is once again milking her “sad backstory”. And she’s looking a lot like Annalynne McCord from 90210 [not a compliment]. Big hair + bright red lipstick + awkward looking hairpiece + pleather black dress with questionable looking tights = all kinds of a hot mess. Accessory sensory overload! She kind of resembles a little girl playing dress-up.
She wasn’t terrible, and I like that more people are singing Beatles’ songs [she sang “Oh! Darling“] and not even just the generic ones everyone knows. So it was… okay. Not terrible by any means.

Haeley Vaughn talks about getting her nose pierced after making it to Hollywood. And being 16 her mom had to come with her. Somehow, this makes me like her more, even though she’s overdoing “ethnic Taylor Swift” deal.
Singing another Beatles song – “I Want To Hold Your Hand” – I’m liking it. I usually get way too bored by these little teenage things but she’s unpolished, quirky and has a big voice without getting all diva on us. And this is a great song choice for her; it always makes me think of the version from ‘Across the Universe’. I hope she sticks around, because she’s not polished and generic but still crazy talented. Ellen has it right – “you just shined”. I agree.

Lacey Brown looks like she’s trying to overdo the hipster thing. I mean, I get that most seasons of Idol have to have a pink-haired girl, but her random blue tank top under her one-shouldered floral dress that looked like sofa upholstry was weird, and she looks like she hit up Urban Outfitter and grabbed as many mismatched pieces as possible.
Her voice was weird [she sang Stevie Nicks’ “Landslide”] – it wasn’t very strong, and although that sometimes doesn’t matter, it did here. It had a Dolly Parton sound to it, but not as good, if that makes sense. Maybe on a record where they can auto-tune parts if needed, but on the Idol stage? Nuh-uh.

Michelle Delamor is very pretty and a “corporate singer”, whatever that entails. She also apparently has a very loud family. But… she’s singing “Fallin‘”, another one of those crazy overdone Alicia Keys songs that has made me completely lose all interest in Ms. Keys’ music.
She isn’t terrible but this… just isn’t good. Her voice isn’t strong enough to dig into the deeper parts of the song, and I’m beginning to understand the terms that “corporate singer” could be… either way I’m just bored here.

Didi Benami is very, very pretty, and talented too – but she’s another one with a “sad backstory” that she brings up whenever possible. That whole deal bugs me – let people vote for your talent, not how sad your life is. Danny Gokey wore that one out last season.
She’s singing “The Way I Am” by Ingrid Michaelson, which I didn’t think I knew until I heard it. Her voice is very unique, and my husband thinks she sounds a lot like Regina Spektor [I happen to agree, and a little like old school Nelly Furtado too]. She sounds pretty amazing and this performance is subdued, but not boring at all. Except that vest… it’s quite terrible.

Siobhan Magnus has a very quirky look and vocal style and I love her group’s rendition of ‘Bad Romance’ in Hollywood. Dark horse? Yeah, I’d say so.
Wicked Game” … have we ever heard this song on Idol? Either way, it’s a great one, and this suits her style impeccably. I like that she’s not rocking out, that this is a more subdued performance, and that she’s not trying to out-diva the other girls. She, like Haeley and Lilly, is unpolished without being untalented.

Crystal Bowersox, so far, has been my favorite of all the girls, if not all the contestants. She’s gritty without being like all the other so-called “gritty” artists, and she seems to rarely perform without her guitar. I so want her to go far.
If my memory serves correct this is only the second Alanis Morissette song we’ve heard on this show [“Hand In My Pocket“]. And the harmonica! She’s really great – so unlike the rest of the girls – and I want her to go very, very far in this competition. If this has to be a girl’s year, please let her be the winner. Except Simon doesn’t like her. She’s not a belter.

I’m not gonna lie – Katie Stevens bugs me. Before she even walked into the audition room her family and friends had her face on a stick. Creepy. Not to mention her backstory, while very poignant, rubs me the wrong way. This girl is 16 – plenty of time later to establish a career – but she wants to do it now for her grandmother? If she’s dying she should just spend more time with her instead of gallavanting around Southern California. I’m just sayin’…
She just looks and sounds so precocious and is WAY too young to be singing “Feelin’ Good“. I will never forget how good Adam Lambert sounded on it – and she pales in comparison. And I am so glad the judges didn’t pimp the crap out of her.

My top two of the night:

Crystal Bowersox, x1000
Haeley Vaughn [I know I’m in the minority]

Bottom two:

Paige Miles
Janelle Wheeler

Who will go home?

Paige Miles [no airtime + early placement + forgettable]
Michelle Delamor [all of the above, really]

Share your thoughts in the comments!

HOLLYWOOD WEEK IS HERE! GROUP WEEK DRAMA!

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on February 15, 2010

Imagine performing there? Intense.

DAVID HERE. Hollywood week has arrived! And we couldn’t have wanted more out of it! We got Ellen (more on her later), Andrew Garcia, Crystal Bowersox and other standouts! Also I noticed a lot more terrible performances considering these people were sent through over 100,000’s! I get bad makes for good TV but some of the crap performances were from people whom we saw little from before! Btw, is anyone else getting the feeling that the show is REALLY trying hard to find the next Taylor Swift?? I’m absolutely getting that vibe (Janell Weaver, Charity Vance, Katie Stevens…)

We also said goodbye to some Utterly Horrendous favorites that we had spotlighted during the audition process. One favorite didn’t even go to Hollywood. Danelle Hayes, who was our favorite audition in Denver. Forgot about her, here’s her audition:

Turns out that this beautiful lady had a history that Idol didn’t want to deal with. According to RadarOnline, her rap sheet is fairly extensive (DUI, Marijuana possession). Some of the occurrences were when she was a minor, so they should have been forgiven. Especially considering the fact that these auditions occurred LAST YEAR! They did not have to show her audition at all. They could have left her anonymous, since she wasn’t able to move on in the competition anyway.

Some of the favorites we said goodbye to were:

Erica Rhodes (former Barney kid)

So beautiful, we will see here again in the future.

Bernadette DeSimone

She will definitely be missed by me.

Paige Dechausse

Would have loved to see her go farther into the comp.

Matt Lawrence

(WHY DID YOU LET THEM CHOOSE GWEN STEFANI AS THE SONG???)

Shouldn't have touched Gwen.

The first days of solo performances brought out some great great performances. I’m sure there were some stellar ones that they didn’t air. But I will go on the record and say that the best solo performance EVER on the show for Hollywood Week goes to Andrew Garcia and his incredible rendition of “Straight Up”. Check it out:

RIGHT?!?!

Another stand-out for me was Janell Wheeler. Beautiful and crazy good voice…

Now for the moment we have all been waiting for MONTHS! The anticipation has been building! Ellen has arrived on Idol! It seems like yesterday that we saw this footage from the Ellen show

Here’s a clip from E! News showing Ellen on the judges panel for the first time.

First of all, let me tell you that I have been ecstatic from the beginning about her judging on Idol. I think she is the funniest female comic the world has ever heard. She is Top 10 comedian of all time, and she has proven herself a ratings juggernaut with her daytime talk show. For those reasons alone, I knew this would be an amazing idea. People have been complaining about her as a judge, suggesting that she knows nothing of the music industry and she’s unqualified to judge a singing competition. I argue that by saying as a superstar comedienne for 20 years+, she knows what it takes to be a crowd pleaser. And that is number 1 when it comes to being a pop sensation. As a comedienne she has to have full control of the audience, like a singer. So she knows EXACTLY what to look for in the next American Idol. Lastly, she has been a huge supporter of the contestants, having them on her show after their elimination. So I think the first week of Hollywood gave us a glimpse of how great its going to be having Ellen on the judges panel.

What was that?? U want me to get to the Ground Round!? WELL, OF COURSE!

OH GROUP DAY! HOW I’VE MISSED YOU!! *Stephani will be providing the Top 10 Hollywood moments later* One thing I have a problem with Group Day is that the show is about finding the best performer, not group mate. So why leave your fate up to 2 or 3 other strangers? The group day is only for the drama, and don’t get me wrong: I LOVE THE DRAMA! But a lot of contestants that were great have fallen because of group days. Nonetheless, I love watching Group Days. There are always a few stand out performances. For example this performance of “Irreplaceable” from Michelle Delamor, Ashley Rodriguez, Charity Vance.

Actually, watching it again; not as good as I remember it. haha. But I don’t edit myself. I’m leaving it in, and i’ll just add another video of a group I enjoyed. This is Team Awesome, which is made up of Seth Rollins, Michael Castro (How come he hasn’t been acknowledged once?! Oh cause he goes home after this.),  Michael Lynche, Tim Urban. Unfortunately Seth Rollins was sent packing. I always root for the bigger guys with great voices.

Speaking of DRAMA!!!! Team Neapolitan VS. Destiny’s Wyld!

Wow. This was my favorite storyline of the episode (next to the Mary Powers power-trip over poor Hope Davis). Apparently the very loud Destiny’s Wyld (Theri, Todrick Hall, Jareb Liewer, Siobhan Magnus) feel that Team Neapolitan (Liz Rooney, Thaddeus Johnson, Jessica Cunningham, and Paige Miles) stole their idea of singing Lady Gagas “Bad Romance” A cappella. Btw, I’m going on record as saying Jareb Liewer has become the most annoying contestant with the LEAST amount of stage time! WOW! I didn’t hear him sing til Destiny’s Wyld, but he has been seen screaming and yelling in the background of many episodes. So, I’m going on record as saying I am not a fan of his. With that being said, here are the two videos of both groups performing.

I can’t talk about G-Day and not mention Mary Powers and that mess of a group! Wow. Hollywood week is known for bringing the worst out of people, and here’s hoping that is the worst out of Mary Powers. Not a cute side, at all. Also in that video showed the group of Andrew Garcia, Katie Stevens (Who has been amazing), and J.B Afhua (who has auditioned in the past I think). That group sang the heck out of Alicia Keys “No One” So keep an eye out for that.

Overall, the first week of Hollywood delivered above in talent as well as drama! My continuing frustration with Hollywood week is the number of performances we see. I understand its a matter of logistics, but I’d love to see more than 5 groups perform during group day; or 8 solo performances the first day. I understand they edit the show for us to grow attached to certain contestants, but it’d be nice. That’s all I’m saying.

Well, there you have it! 1st week of Hollywood is in the bag! We have 70+ contestants left to whittle down to 24. By this time next week, we will have our top 24. Unless of course you read spoilers, then you already know. But I’m old fashioned!

Season 9 Audition Wrap Up and Awards!

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on February 7, 2010

IT’S A WRAP!

Idol brings the audition season to an end this week!

Did they find the NEXT ADAM LAMBERT?? Probably not.

How about the next David Archuleta?? Yes. Aaron Kelly. Look him up!

David Lew HERE!-After over 100,000 people auditions, American Idol sends 181 hopefuls to be whittled down to 24. This audition season seemed to showcase more sob stories and great singers than ever before. Where in the past it seemed they pushed the bad auditions, this year had a fair blend of good and bad.

There are definitely a lot of standouts (the John Parks, Matt Lawrences, Jermaine Sellers…), but it remains to be seen (unless you are spoiler queen *hint hint* Stephani. The top 24 list is just a Google search away, but I love the suspense of it all. SO I don’t look).

We have contestants with sketchy backgrounds and drama. Like Jermaine Sellers who allegedly pulled a “Music Man” type scheme by scamming local parents by casting a play and charging them “costume fees” and then cancelling the production without a single play produced. Who knows how true those allegations are.

This week also marked the return of Victoria Beckham to guest judge. What is it about British people that make them so good with critiques? She was probably the most helpful judge of the whole audition season. Overall, I wouldn’t mind if she was a permanent fixture on the judges panel.
and now……

——————————————————————————————————————————————–

Top 5

5. Jessica Furmey I definitely remember liking her a lot last year when she auditioned. This year, she ditched the long sleeve flannel for a more sheik look. Her voice was great this time despite the sappy Simon co-written song choice.

4. Haeley Vaughn This spunky teens goal is to be Countrys first black female star (obviously the first male black star being Cowboy Troy *I use the word STAR very very loosely* I can’t wait to hear Haeley sing some ballads, then we can see what her range is like.

3. Crystal Bowersox AKA Dreads I got a good vibe about this girl. I hope she makes utilizes the guitar during Hollywood Week and make it to the Top 24.  Couldn’t find her audition, so here is Crystal singing her audition song live at a cafe somewhere.

2. Mark Labriola In a weird way, he reminded me of Elliott Yamin. I can’t quite put my finger on it. This kid is great though. Loved the song choice (Squeeze- Tempted), one of my favorite songs of all time. I’ve been told several times that he and I look very similar…Which I kinda see. Mark has likability, decent voice and unique look: The Idol Trifecta.

1. Danelle Hayes Wow. I don’t know what it was about this one, but I was literally in tears through this whole audition. Maybe its the parallels of me being an up and coming comic and Danelle being a up and coming singer, but she turned me into an emotional wreck from beginning to end. Barring disaster song choices, a definite Top 12 spot is waiting for her.


Bottom 5

-5. Kimberly Bishop This girl. wow. She was loopy from the beginning. And I’m pretty sure the American Idol logo blocked her gal pal from being shown. And she complimented randy Jackson on losing weight.

-4. Shaddaii Harris On sheer enthusiasm alone, she deserves to be here. She had a swagger on her that screamed “NOTICE ME!” Unfortunately, her voice screamed “IGNORE ME!”

-3. Austin Paul Football and Idol officially don’t mix. The closest it’ll get is Jordin Sparks dad being a former NFL star. This kid has cocky written all over him and Kara was happy to take him down a notch. Austin is majoring in music composition and is a long snapper on his football team. Lets keep it that way.

-2. Adrian Chandtchi AKA 6’8 of Awkward. From the first mention of man flower to his last gasp letting the producers know  to let him know of “any job opportunities. You have my number.” Lets wish Adrian good luck at his next Swim Meet!

-1. Kenny Everett He says his voice is doing a service to his community. That service is death by song, and he is shrinking his communitys’ population every time he sings. He couldn’t believe the judges didn’t like him, so he roams the hallways haunting people with his voice after his audition. Poor people.

#1 AUDITION OF THE WEEK:

Didi Benami

Our next Idol? Possibly.

Kudos to Didi and her beautiful rendition of The Beatles hit “Hey Jude.” Her voice is unique, she has a great look, and her story of her recently passed best friend makes her a triple threat in the competition. Let’s see if she gets out of Hollywood and into the Top 24.

THAT CONCLUDES OUR WEEKLY WRAP UP!! AND NOW…

FIRST ANNUAL UTTERLY HORRENDOUS AUDITION AWARDS!

Best Guest Judge

Neil Patrick Harris

Worst Guest Judge

Joe Jonas

Blank stares and a random "yes." Thats it.

Smartest Auditioner/Highest IQ

Neil Goldstein

Saddest Back Story

Angela Martin

Worst Boob Bounce

Amy Lang

Best Eric Carmen High Note

Jayson Wilson

The “My Mom Would Be Proud” Award

Aaron Fullmer

Best Audition of the Year

Andrew Garcia

https://utterlyhorrendous.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=513&message=10

Worst Audition of the Year

Jarrod Norrell

There you have it! Congrats to all the winners!

NEXT WEEK IS HOLLY WOOD WEEK AND THE DEBUT OF…….

ELLEN!

Second Week! Top 5/Bottom 5. TWAIN vs CHENOWETH

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on January 23, 2010

TWAIN

VS

CHENOWETH

This week takes us to Chicago and Orlando! Despite some DVR issues I was able to watch the episodes at a great friends house (HI! MELISSA! Thanks again! See you at this years finale!) Guest judges this week were Shania Twain (HOT AS EVER! When is she coming out with another album??) and Kristin Chenoweth (Who is the new Cher in the gay community i’m starting to learn). I have to say that I preferred these two to last weeks guest judges (do you remember?? I barely do. Na’vi Victoria Beckham and Mary J. Blige). They seemed to have more fun with the other judges and contestants.

Of both cities, the award for best city has to go to Orlando. Hands down. 31 golden tickets were handed out in Orlando, compared to 13 in Chicago. 13!!? Chicago!? WOW! Thousands show up but only 13 got a ticket. Either they had to slow down their invitations or the preliminary audition part was harder than usual.

Unfortunately this week, we weren’t given anything nearly as memorable or catchy as “Pants on the Ground” Which honestly, will that ever be topped? Probably not. I thought “I Am Your Brother” would never be topped, remember that guy?

but Pants on the Ground has GONE GLOBAL! However, we were treated to a lot great singers! Great singers with terribly tragic stories! Speaking of, we have come up with a fun way for adults to watch Idol!

*IDOL DRINKING GAME ALERT!*

(MUST BE 21 to play the IDOL DRINKING GAME)

Here’s how to play! There are different versions of the game. You can play Good audtion drinking game or Bad audition drinking game.

Good Audition Drinking Game!

Pick your drink of your choice. Set up by pouring 2-3 shots to start. If the person auditioning is good AND cries! TAKE A SHOT! If you really really REALLY wanna get drunk, you must add another shot if the good audition has a sob story! SO tears and sob story = TWO SHOTS! Have fun!!

Bad Audition Drinking Game!

Again, your choice of drink. Set up by pouring 2-3 shots to start. If the person auditioning is bad and curses while in the audition room= TAKE A SHOT! To step up the pace on this game, add another shot IF the person auditioning continues to sing AFTER the judges say no to them!
AND NOW LETS GO TO OUR TOP 5 /Bottom 5 of the week!!!

TOP 5

5. Desimone Sisters (Bernadette and Amanda)– This may be me drawing in the small male demographic who reads this. But here they are, the most beautiful pair of sisters to grace the Idol screen since the O’Donohue sisters from Season 5. Remember them?? Here, take a look to refresh your memory:

Unfortunately, she wasn’t as good as she was beautiful. But the Desimone sisters have some talent. Take a look, and let’s see how far they go!

4. Katelyn Epperly– Beautiful girl with a great voice. I love her look and the way she carries herself. Did I mention she’s gorgeous? I’m predicting her parents will be filmed at one point enjoying their daughter on the show!

3. Paige Dechausse– Another beautiful girl, but with a grittier voice. She sang an all time Idol favorite, Sam Cookes “A Change is Gonna Come.” And she does the best rendition I’ve heard in a long time. And I had never heard a female sing it on the show. To see Paige in the video, cut to 5:56. If you want to skip the back story then go to 6:57.

2. Seth Rollins– He was already a quick favorite since he and I share the same frame and beard look. haha. I also liked he took a Sinatra song and put some soul into it. He could be in the top 12 guys.

1. Matt Lawrence– Wow. What a voice. I have never agreed more with Simon than when he said he believed that he could have written that song, just by the way he sang and interpreted the lyrics. This guy could be “Oil Rig” 2.0! He sings better than Michael Sarver already.

BOTTOM 5

5. Curley Newbern– Started off the Chicago auditions with a terrible high note. He makes my list because I love that song, and he had the audacity to attempt to sing a MAXWELL SONG! At least he handled it well…

4. Brian Krause– HE SINGS TINY TIM? And he literally tip toes through the tulips. Plus he gives new meaning to “Military Intelligence”

3. Theo Glinton– The Black Lady GaGa. He was doing too much from the beginning. From the very first swing of his cape.

2. Harold Davis– Wow. If he didn’t name the song, I would have had NO idea what song he was singing. Ushers “Nice and Slow” WOW. Terrible. But since he wasn’t arrested. No #1 this week for you buddy.

1. Jarrod Norrell– I believe this is the first time an audition has ended in handcuffs. And for that reason alone he made it number 1.

Number 1 Audition of the Week:

JOHN PARK

I was not expecting the voice that came out of John Park. I was expecting typcal R&B flair, but he kicked out something vicious. I was absolutely impressed, and I’m sure we will see him in the Top 24 and beyond.ALSO, he was told by Shania Twain that he has “nice lips and a nice bottom end…” WOW. On that alone, he deserved number 1.

Thats it! Stay Tuned next week when the show heads to Los Angeles and Dallas! And the guest judges are Avril Lavigne *what has she been doing the last 4 years? Besides having a ridiculous amount of views on youtube…? 2nd judge is Katy Perry, a veteran herself of the recording industry and it’s vicious cycles.
Til Next Time!  -DL-

First Week Auditions Wrap-Up. Top 5/Bottom 5

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on January 20, 2010

David Lew here giving you my wrap up for the first week of auditions. Contrary to popular opinion, the auditions are my least favorite part of the show. ACTUALLY, the group numbers later in the competition bug me the most.

Overall I thought this was a great week of auditions in Boston and Atlanta. They definitely showed more good auditions than they have before. I love the finding of diamonds in the ruff, not so much the ruff rocks they find everywhere.

Victoria Beckham was the first of the guest judges. She looked like a brown version of the Na’vi the first day. 2nd day she looked better. But her overall judging was minimal at best. Her banter with Kara was kind of fun. The second guest judge was Mary J. Blige, who was leaps and bounds better. She was more outspoken and more enthusiastic when she liked an audition. But they both pale in comparison to how I think Ellen will do on the judges panel come Hollywood week!

So I’m starting my weekly Top 5/Bottom 5 for the auditions. Maybe this will keep going into the competition. Until of course we get to the top 9. lol.

TOP 5

5. Ashley Rodriguez– This girl is very very good… looking. AND also a great singer. She sang the often sung Alicia Keys “If I Ain’t Got You” She reminds me of a thinner (yet equally beautiful) Jordin Sparks. I think she will be at least in the top 12. Unless something weird happens in Hollywood.

4. Keia Johnson– “What great hair you have” is what the big bad wolf would say. haha. This girl took a stale, played out “My Heart Will Go On and made it her own. I actually wouldn’t mind hearing this later on in the season.

3. Noel Reese– This girl only got a few seconds of air time, but this 16 year old can sing!! AND she sang a Whitney Houston song… so I can’t wait to see what she can pull out in Hollywood!

2. Miriam Lemnouni– What a beautiful beautiful girl! And her voice is really good. And I also love the eyes! The kid has great eyes, what can I say? She sang The Climb by Miley Cyrus (which got some air time since this years X Factor winner released that as the UK Holiday single). Lets hope she makes it out of Hollywood Week.

1. Jermaine Sellers– WOW! WOW! This was my favorite audition (besides the obvious, you’ll see when you scroll down further). This guy has top 5 written all over him. He has got the voice, he’s young and has a marketable look. If he can show some versatility during country or broadway weeks where his voice may not be the best suited for those theme weeks.  But other than that, he is definitely the early front runner to win the whole thing.

Bottom 5

5. The “I will always love you” girl– Best quote of the night came from her. Kara asked “Do your friends tell you that you can sing.” To which she replies “Not really. But I don’t let that discourage me.” Maybe she should just take note.

4. Andrew Fenlon– Douchy Clark Kent. But I agree with Steph that he was definitely (like most) was steppin’ up his douchy levels for the camera.

3. Mere Boyle– Anime girl… Not the WORST voice, but she gets on the list for absurdity and also for the one of the most dramatic reactions of the week.

2. Janet McNamara– 1st audition of the season. Steph had it right as describing her as Charlize Theron in Monster. The fact that she got her confidence to audition from playing the American Idol game on Wii on top of the over the topics antics, was a perfect recipe for disaster.

1. Skiibo Ski– I don’t know where to put this kid. He DID go through, but seriously? Is he really going to make it out of Hollywood no. He gets on this list for the misspelling alone!

NUMBER 1 AUDITION OF THE WEEK:

PANTS ON THE GROUND!!!!

(Was there any doubt????)

Lookin' like a fool with your....

This guy will be at the finale with Flo Rida and it will be epic!!! We love this guy!!  And also check out the remix!

And now check out Jimmy Fallon doing an amazing Neil Young impression singing Pants on the Ground.

TIL NEXT TIME AMERICA!

-DL-

IDOL 9 PREMIERE! Live-blog recap! Now with snark!

Posted in American Idol by alaskansteph on January 13, 2010

Tonight… is the night. Of the American Idol Season 9 premiere!

It’s insane to think about how much this show has evolved since its inception in the summer of 2002. Paula Abdul [who is already missed] was a has-been of massive proportions. Randy Jackson was completely unknown [maybe that’s why he name-drops so much]. Simon Cowell was just a cranky, judgmental Brit. And Ryan Seacrest was part of a hosting duo [RIP Dunkleman] with frosted tips and the wardrobe of a hipster [blazers over t-shirts FTW!]

Now these four are pop culture staples, household names and very often Googleable.

So here we are at season 9, where after Cowell’s recent announcement and the departure of Ms. Abdul, the future of the Idol franchise is highly questionable. But for now, let’s put all that behind us, because tonight is the first of many episodes of utterly horrendous, breathtakingly awesome, and perhaps staged, auditions. I can’t wait.

This…. is the American Idol premiere LIVE-BLOG.

7:00: Finale recap. The glam-rocker versus the boy next door. Kris Allen’s “shocked” face is still adorable. And it wouldn’t be fair to not address the new judge drama, right? I guess they couldn’t re-edit in time to address this being Simon’s last season…

7:02: Is anyone better than Seacrest at narrating these intros? He’s so droll.

7:04: And the credits. First up: BOSTON!

7:05: Augustana’s “Boston” plays during this opening montage of people waiting in the rain. If only they could have gotten the actual band, Boston, playing “Amanda” or something. How epic would that be?

Posh Spice? Even though she was the least flashy of the five Spice Girls, and is more known for marrying well and having awesome breast implants than being a singer, I guess they wanted to get someone everyone has heard of [and is probably annoyed by].

7:07: First up: Janet McNamara. Dude, if your only singing experience is on the AI Wii game, you shouldn’t be auditioning. Nice product tie-in though. Is it bad that I think she looks like Charlize Theron in “Monster”?

7:08: She gets excited by jumping up and down like some kind of half-assed motivational speaker and then proceeds to destroy “Pocketful of Sunshine”. And then she calls Kara “Paula” which brings the HILARITY. Kara is pissed. And defensive. She is shooed out and gives the obligatory swearing rants hidden behind the Idol logo.

7:15: Human interest story #1 – family has children with Down Syndrome. Maddie Curtis is 16 and adorably cute with her scrunchy hair. And and and… she sings “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. And it’s not grating or self-indulgent. But seriously ever since Jason Castro won over America with this song, everyone now acts like they’ve loved it forever. I guess I’m jaded.

7:18: Kara tells her she has an “old soul” – I guess that’s understandable having 500000 older siblings. She gets a Golden Ticket.

7:20: Pat Ford is a geeky 17-year-old from New Hampshire who seems to think he’s cool, hip, or a hipster. I can’t take this kid seriously. He’s singing “Womanizer” by Britney with some bad dance moves.

7:21: He calls Simon “sassy” and Kara a “sweetheart”. I’m loving this kid’s accent. As predicted, he gets the boot, but seems to have a healthy attitude about it.

7:22: Jennifer Hirsch sings ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead‘ in a jazzy way… was this some kind of cover? Props for the creativity! Her audition is mashed up with two other interchangable females and all three make it. Ryan makes some kind of big deal about how only girls have done well.

7:29: Some Rhode Islander named Amadeo Dirucco yells at the TV and makes Seacrest back away scared. I’m not surprised they’re focusing on him being the Token Sicilian after the success of Jersey Shore and uh… the long-lasting success of the Sopranos? Cue scenes at home, with pasta and mozzarella and sausage and family love around the dinner table. I kind of want to hang out with this guy, even if he’s a walking embodiment of the Italian stereotype and I would fear for my eardrums and cholesterol level.

7:30:  He sings a Muddy Waters song with extra growling for emphasis. Dude reminds me of Sundance Head from season 6, but this guy just reminds me of a big cuddly Italian teddy bear. My bet is going toward this guy being a big “character” on this show … he’ll get a lot of mileage from it. And Kara will take every chance to mention how “Italian” she is when he’s on stage. Because she’s Italian?

7:33: Big Italian group hug / dogpile / what have you. Nothin’ but love here … except, wow, are they trying to choke him? I can cut the testosterone here with a butter knife.

7:34: Spiritual Derek Hilton. He has flowing blonde hair and a barely-buttoned shirt. Look at the wind blow through his hair! Watch him stretch his arms like Jesus! Is he meditating outside the building? Chris Brown and the Eagles? That’s who he think he sounds like? Color me confused…

7:36: Clearly the “hippie” vibe was just to get on camera. Dude can’t sing. I kind of want to crawl under my couch. “I could have touched America in a totally different way.” No thank you.

7:37: Montage of rejects set to “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word”. I am totally giggling over here.

7:42: Mere Doyle has pink hair and a penchant for anime and she forgot to bring adequate rain protection. I can safely say I know a lot of people like this. Not all of them are completely delusional.

7:43: Is she wearing a cape? I can tell she probably thinks she’s talented, but really, she’s just shouty and trying to riff and … no. ‘You can’t say that to me” when Simon calls her terrible. Chalk it up to the FIRST person this season saying “everyone thinks I’m amazing, I have voice coaches!” There are always a few of these every year.

7:46: A group of dudes harmonizing to that totally outplayed song ‘C’mon Get Higher’ don’t totally suck when they sing individually. Both guys make it. They’re aiight. Kind of generic.

7:48: Did Rivers Cuomo just arrive on my TV? Andrew Fenlon seems like a bit of a jerk, and I’m pretty convinced he’s doing it because he knows how to get on TV. Ha… Randy just randomly yelled “Yeeeeah” when dude walked in.

7:49: Simon schools this guy about being a smart-ass. I’m having Hell’s Kitchen flashbacks. He sings “House of the Rising Sun” and it’s not amazing but I’ve heard worse. But something tells me he won’t make it because he got schooled by Simon before even singing… they don’t stand for that, and he doesn’t have the benefit of a bikini like someone last year.

7:51: “You want to get in the music business… but you don’t want to wait to get on American Idol”. Looks like Kara found her pet anger project. I would say she was right… if I didn’t immediately realize that this guy was a HUGE TROLL.

7:52: Simon says yes to this guy. Because Simon is not an idiot. He knows the deal. While Kara and Posh are getting all up in arms about this guy being an entitled jackass, Simon chuckles and sends him on his way.

7:58: I’m not surprised to see this many music majors coming from Boston, home of Berklee College of Music. Cue a montage of super flamboyant dudes.

7:59: Ashley Rodriguez seems full of puppies and rainbows and generic Alicia Keys songs. I’m starting to think “If I Ain’t Got You” should be banned from the audition process forever because I’m so sick of hearing it. She’s good. Not great. But she’s pretty, so she’s in.

8:00: Kara throws out “marketable“. [Drink!] She looks an awful lot like Rosario Dawson.

8:02: Tyler Grady talks about breaking his wrists after climbing a tree… I’m pretty sure you have to be 16 to audition for Idol, Tyler. Dude looks like he walked off the set of “That 70s Show“.

8:03: He sings “Let’s Get it On“… I’ve seen this guy ALL over the Idol promos in the last few weeks. But seriously, he’s really quite great, even if his uber-dorky-retro look complete with Guarini hair is totally offset by his sultriness. Mad props, hippie dude. ‘Yes’ all around.

8:11: Day two in Boston! Seacrest does some blathering about Simon being late because he wanted to find the Boston Tea Party. And now for an Idol spin on the history of Boston! This is kind of randomly hilarious … and insanely historically inaccurate. Apparently Randy and Kara are British now.

8:13: Lisa Olivero has a fierce accent and spends her montage looking out of windows while talking about her lack of singing training. And… yep, there it is, that lack of singing training. One day, maybe in the extreme distant future, ladies will realize that singing any Mariah Carey song that isn’t “Obsessed” without proper training or a God-given gift will get you NO. WHERE. Randy is now laughing.

8:14: Simon thought she’d be better. At least she’s pretty!

8:15: Time for another “ridiculously terrible” montage. This time it’s comprised of people giving awkward answers to questions Simon asks, as Simon tries to decipher the mystery that is the New England accent.

8:16: Mike Davis runs a boat called “Codzilla” that basically takes innocent tourists for a stomach-churning spin around the Bay. Note to self: avoid Codzilla next time I go to Boston. He sings “Yesterday” which is a bit off-putting considering he looks like he hangs out with Jon Gosselin. But he sings well, if a little blandly.

8:18: … um, did he just ask Kara out on a date? Simon walks away. Randy says no. The chicks say yes. And HERE is the Boston song I was so eagerly hoping for at the beginning of the episode! “More Than A Feeling“! Mike gets through. Yay Mike. Apparently Mike gets the first Golden Ticket of the day.

8:24: We kept seeing clips of Katie Stevens before commercial breaks about how she’s this “amazing” 16 year old singer… can we say another Jordin Sparks? She speaks Portuguese to her grandma, who does not speak English. I guess the grandma taught her the language. If so, that’s pretty awesome. She wants her grandma to see her “realize her dream” before Alzheimer’s takes over. Not gonna lie, the heartstrings have been tugged.

8:26: She sings “At Last” and girl can SANG. No “hype” here. Not a lot of riffs. Just pure talent. Four “yes’s”. Though it’s kind of creepy that her entourage have her picture on a stick to carry. She calls her grandma and tells her the good news. Aw, even the Seacrest-bot is getting emotional.

8:28: Joshua Blaylock has one last shot, says Seacrest, because he’s 28. So he sings “Bless the Broken Road“. Clearly Joshua think it’s still 2005. Simon says he’s unoriginal and kind of boring. No disagreements here.

8:29: Randy tries to give him “assertiveness” training. Says he should sing with a Spandau Ballet cover group. Random? And finally he wins Simon over by being assertive.

8:36: Seacrest shows us a “behind the scenes” view of the judge’s room and why it makes some people freeze up. Sure, but that doesn’t excuse people who have absolutely no talent whatsoever.

8:38: Justin Williams was diagnosed with cancer when he was serving a mission in Spain. That’s some craptastic timing. And before I even saw that he was from Sandy, Utah I guessed he was Mormon. But holy eye candy, Idol. He’s got a voice! Yay for another inspirational story!
And… I now realize he was on AI8. He was in “White Chocolate” during Hollywood Week with Matt Giraud and Kris Allen. Huh.

8:45: Seacrest takes this moment to show us how “nice” Posh is. Another Paula? Bizarre overcompensation?

8:46: Norberto Guerrero is rockin’ a perm straight out of 1986 [complete with at least one can of AquaNet], singing a song by techno singer Cascada, wearing a silver vest over a red and black shirt, and has Daughtry-esque facial hair. And he says Adam Lambert inspired him. Nothing more needs to be said.
“You sing like a three year old girl, dress like LaToya Jackson, and you have a beard.” Either Simon got a new writer or he’s randomly getting more hilarious.

8:48: Bosa Mora has parents from Nigeria and has a big happy looking Nigerian family. Mom’s wearing a gorgeous African ensemble at the audition and Bosa looks like a college kid. Seacrest makes a cute and seriously non-offensive joke about Mama’s headgear.

8:49: Don’t recognize the song, but he’s good. Reminds me of a more talented Akon. Soulful and velvety. Simon calls him “good but boring” and Bosa offers to “spice it up”. Hee. Simon says no, but that doesn’t matter because he makes it. Bosa exits the audition room holding a Golden Ticket and looking genuinely perplexed and he gets tackled by a bunch of his shrieking sisters.

8:56: Leah Laurenti has a super cute dress [that I’m sure was bought at Forever 21] and looks very Catholic. We are treated to a montage of her looking into the light and waiting patiently, as we are with all pimped candidates who don’t have a tragic backstory.

8:57: She’s got a great voice, very throwback and just a flat-out God given talent. Top 3 unless she crashes and burns.

8:59: She makes it. And Augustana AGAIN? Let’s hear some “Peace of Mind“. Or “More Than A Feeling” again. Meh.

Yay Idol! A great start to the season – a fabulous balance of trainwrecky goodness and actual talent. See y’all tomorrow!