Utterly Horrendous

Top 10 Guys… but are they really TOPS?

Posted in Uncategorized by thedavidlewexperience on March 4, 2010

David Here! We sent home some surprising people last week! On the ladies side some airtime darlings went home- Janelle Wheeler and Ashley Rodriguez. Both had sub-par performances (as did 90% of the guys and girls), but I figured both were safe based on Hollywood week and their airtime earlier in the season.

On the fellas side, not so shocking. Except for Tyler Grady going home! Really America!? You would rather have the American Apparel model than a unique performer who was going to get better as the show progressed? Don’t get me wrong Tyler was never going to win, but he would have made for some good performances. We also said good bye to the nice kid Joe Munoz.

“Wait, Who is Joe Munoz?” Exactly. Moving on. Ask Season 8’s Jorge Nunez if it’s smart to speak spanish at any point! NOPE!

SO all that brings us to tonight! OH AND WAIT!? Whats this? The boys are up first due to Crystal Bowersox falling ill. I wonder if Paige Miles fell ill would they have switched nice or just moved on without her.

I’m also going to stand by my belief that the mics and sound mixing are making these performances worse than they are. I noticed it last year that they changed microphones, and it’s made a difference. You hear EVERYTHING and the voice is much louder than the band. This needs to be fixed or else these contestants will suffer for it.

TOP 10 BOYS

Michael Lynche Whoa! Where did this come from? Since the beginning, I haven’t really been a big fan. But he won me over on this one. He’s the only of the night with real swag. Singing “This is a Man’s World” and he owned the song from beginning to end. FIRST STANDING OVATION from Randy THIS SEASON! It was deserved. SAFE

John Park WAY better song choice. It’s more current and closer to his voice. But he is severely lacking any star quality. He’s likable, but not memorable. I would never sit during a semi-final performance. I can’t think of any that jump out at me. It takes people out of the performance. Judges were spot on. Except Simon was a little too harsh (which seems to be the case this season.) In trouble.

Casey James Did anyone else know what song Casey was going to sing after Seacrest mentioned Bo Bice, Elliott Yamin and Chris Richardson? Well, let me tell you I yelled “Gavin DeGraw” at the top of my lungs, and impressed everyone in the room. And guaranteed my single status for another 6 months. His performance DECIDEDLY split the judges panel; Randy and Ellen LOVED it, whereas Kara and Simon said vocally he took two steps back. I don’t think it was TWO steps back. More of a side step. He is definitely in the Top 12, so no critique matters at this point!

Alex Lambert So here’s the thing with this kid. Hands down him and Andrew Garcia have my favorite natural tones to their voice on the show (and maybe Lee Dewyze). But Alex Lambert looks like a 4th grader performing in front of his class every week. Not a star by any stretch. If he makes it through this elimination, he’ll have to step it up huge on the Swag Scale. In trouble.

Todrick Hall Adam Lamberts BOO! Once again he tackles another song and puts some funk on it. And again mixed to bad results. First he picked a great song that’s due for a revamp (even though they called the irrelevant. It is, hence due for a revamp), but I see it more of an acoustic revamp than an R&B revamp that Todrick gave it. During the first half of the song, he looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable stiff as board while singing. Kara noticed one he opened up and moved, the singing got better. My favorite song he’s done is his original song from his audition. Todrick and Jermaine both are trying to do too much vocally; too many runs! As much as I’m not a fan of his, he’s safe. SIMON QUOTE of the Day (to Todrick): “I say move but don’t sing.”

Jermaine Sellers ROCKIN’ the onesie! I love it! I have been wanting to get one for the longest. SO he better be safe for that reason alone. But let’s talk about his performance anyway. Probably the most boring and wrong song choice of the night. Singing What’s Goin’ On by Marvin Gaye, he did exactly what Simon said he did, which is “water down” the song. The beauty of Jermaine’s audition was that he took a simple song (vocally) like Joan Osbournes “One Of Us” made it current and put a soulful tinge to it. He has taken that and is now in competition with himself to do the most runs ever in the shows history! If he sang it simply without so many runs, he could have made it a classic performance. He’s the Idol i’m most disappointed with. Unfortunately in danger

WEIRDEST CONTESTANT QUOTE : “I know God. I’m gonna be here.” -Jermaine Sellers

 Andrew Garcia Andrew Andrew Andrew! Tell me you didn’t peak during Hollywood week? Don’t get me wrong I actually loved his performance last week! But this week, even though I did like it. He hasn’t blown anyone out the box. Which he’s very capable of doing (we used to watch his Youtube clips before he was ever on the show). It doesn’t help that I don’t know the original James Morrison version, but this was an opportunity for him to get me to love this song.

I was told by a fan on Twitter (SHOUT OUT to @Raqu3l):

   @UtterlyH I think it’s nerves, n wondering if theyre telling him to enunciate more. He has a YT of that song, and its 10x’s better.

Let’s hope he shakes those nerves and has a memorable performance next week! What if he sang Straight Up again? JUST to shut everyone up about it already. Safe

Aaron Kelly  Season 9’s mix of David Archuleta and Kevin Covais. He’ll make it to around 8 or 9th place. That big stage will eat him up with that lack of stage presence. My Girl as your song? Really? Did you grandma pick the song? It worked I’ve already heard older women loving this kid. He’s safe

 Tim Urban Oh you lucky boy. How you avoided elimination last week is beyond me. But I can say this week was a little better. But if you don’t go home this week, i’m writing  a letter. *GOING HOME!*

*PIMP SPOT AWARD WINNER* Lee Dewyze

This dude knows his wheelhouse! Best song choice of the night! He made himself current and he’s the one I can hear on the radio right now. Loved his arrangement of the song. Just slight changes made it perfect. This kid is turning into a dark horse. I think he is a victim of the sound mixing with the occasional bum note that wouldn’t have been so apparent in previous seasons. Btw, Simon calling him the BEST singer in the competition…? I love the guy but did he mean commercially viable voice? But definitely Favorite performance of the night *SAFE SAFE*

There you have it. The “TOP” 10 boys. I gotta say, I’m feeling the same way I did when I watched Season 6 (Lot of forgettable contestants), even though this year has a few better talents than season 6 had at this point. A lot of these guys are lucky they got this far. I usually look forward to semi-finals performances. But with the new mics and lack of star quality, this is definitely being a letdown season so far. I hope it gets better.  Not a good start to Simons swan song season!

Quick prediction on who’s going home:

Tim Urban

John Park

Thanks for reading, this…has… been:

UTTERLY HORRENDOUS

 

Top 12 Boys! Oh what a letdown.

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on February 26, 2010

Andrew Garcia! Jermaine Sellers! Aaron Kelly!

These guys were the voices of Hollywood week! SOOOO WHAT HAPPENED?!?! Everybody was mediocre…except for Casey and Andrew Garcia. More on them later.

We didn’t have any Imagine moments (David Archuleta) or Moodys Mood For Love (Elliott Yamin), Daydream (Jason Castro),or Hello (David Cook). Need a refresher on what an amazing semi-finals performance sounds like.. take a gander

David Archuleta-Imagine

(this is what you with the Pimp spot of the night)

Elliott Yamin-Moody’s Mood For Love

(This is how you sing a difficult song and nail it)

David Cook- Hello

(this is how you establish yourself as a favorite)

Jason Castro- Daydream

(This is how you make up for NO airtime! Come out swingin’!)

Last night we got no performances that will be remember like these, except for Andrew Garcias take on Fall Out Boys “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down”

So lets go in order and re-live these performances, which for the most part weren’t very good.

Todrick Hall – The diva and a half. Took me to hear the chorus to realize what song he was singing. I did not like the arrangement at all. Nice that he took a risk, instead of singing Usher or something that’s been done. Unfortunately the risk didn’t pay off. He may be in trouble.

Aaron Kelly- He became the first victim of these overly sensitive, terribly mixed mics. I guarantee that if he had done that in season 7, that would have sounded perfect and amazing. Something is weird with the sound mix, and Ellen brought it up earlier in the show. I liked Aaron, he lacks confidence and star quality. He’ll make the Top 12 for sure just on airtime and adorable-ness alone.

Jermaine Sellers- The other Diva! But he was by far my favorite male audition of the year. But he tried to do TOO MUCH with his vocals. His voice is so perfect by doing simple riffs. No need to go as high as he does. And WHAT SONG was that?? He would have killed a Ne-Yo song, or remix a song the way he did with Joan Osbourne during his audition. This was my most disapointing performance of the night. I had HIGH expectations.  But he’ll be safe though.

Tim Urban– OneRepublics “Apologize” needs to go in the vault (along with Hearts “Alone) and never be sung again. David Archuleta was amazing with it. Oh Tim Tim Tim. From the first note and weird look into the camera, I knew this was the trainwreck of trainwrecks. And does Tim own a forehead? Can someone tell me? The judges are right, he may be safe because girls like him. We’ll see. He should go home in my book.

Joe Munoz- This was the guy who could have had a Jason Castro moment. He has had little to no airtime at all. So this was his moment to come out and tell America why he is on the show. And he kind of did it. He didn’t vomit on stage, so that was a plus. But no one will talk about this performance next week. I think he maybe in trouble, but I’d like for him to stick around.

Tyler Grady– He got lost in the fray during Hollywood, but he’s got huge personality. For me, his performance is when the show kicked off. Great energy, decent vocals, awesome stage presence. Next week, he has to sing something current and “Visit the mall” like he said. The show and judges are the ones that keep mentioning the “70’s” style”, he doesn’t make an issue out of it. Then they judge him about it… no bueno.  But he’s definitely safe.

Lee Dewyze- The most polarizing performance of the night! The judges were split (Simon LOVED it, the others didn’t. Which is rare) and the bloggers have been split on this guy! He took advantage of what little airtime he had during Hollywood and impressed judges and viewers. I love his natural tone and rasp to his voice. A lot of flat moments in this performance, so it was very frustrating to watch. They need monitors in their ears so they can hear themselves. Easily fixed. I liked his performance mostly based on what his voice is capable of. HE NEEDS TO SING USE SOMEBODY NEXT WEEK! That will be his Imagine or Hallelujah (Jason Castro) moment. Favorite moment of the night: When Ryan asked “What does it feel like, first time performing in front of millons? Lee says: Feels like I never want to lose this feeling…” OH,  He’s safe.

John Park- Wrong song! Wrong song! Wrong song! Last time this song was sung on the show, Katharine McPhee auditioned with it. And that should have remained the last time it was sung. John is my 2nd favorite Korean guy to grace the stage: Big ups to PAUL KIM! But I think this song was a tad better of a choice because it showed more range than Careful Whisper (which is what Season 6’s Paul Kim chose).  Ellen was right, it’s not the song you choose to have all the girls screaming after you. Next week, he needs to pick a song that’s more current that he can make his own! But he’s safe.

Michael Lynche- First question, why did he have a guitar?! He didn’t strum it once, twice maybe? The vocals were ho-hum. I think his personality shone through and that’ll carry him through. But the performance was ho-hum at best.  He needs to sing a ballad next time and just knock it out of the park. Not the John Park. haha. He’s safe.

Alex Lambert- This kid has got such a great tone to his voice, probably one of my favorites. But wow this is the most awkward performance in the semi finals since Jason Yeager season 7 “Moon River.” REMEMBER HIM!?! He should be singing on cruise ships and making really good money!

Back to Alex, he has a great voice, but terribly awkward on stage. So if he stays (which he might), he’ll need to do A LOT of work to stick around again.

Casey James- Did you guys hear about him and Kara? Oh you have? Its because thats all they talk about with him! Which is too bad, because this guy is awesome. What a great look, style and voice! Complete package. If he doesn’t screw up, he’ll go deep into the Top 12. Maybe 5 or 6, but a theme week will be the end for him, I can tell. This was probably my favorite performance of the night besides Andrews. And DEFINITELY my favorite version of Bryan Adams “Heaven” sung on the show. Its been done by David Archuleta and Elliott Yamin (possibly others? Let me know!). But I loved him starting out with the acoustic, great choice. He’s DEFINITELY safe.

Andrew Garcia- My man! The guy who sang “Straight Up” during Hollywood Week. The judges just did not enjoy his rendition of Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar We’re Goin’ Down” and I was floored. I could tell it wasn’t on the level with “Straight Up” but compared to the earlier performances, this was tops. It was original and it showcased his vocals, although I can seem him challenging his vocals even more. Maybe a stripped down Maroon 5 song? But I absolutely dug it, so much in fact HERE’s the performance right here! Oh yeah he’s safe, blah blah. Obviously!

predictions

WHO IS GOING HOME!?

Tim Urban

Tim Urban

Joe Munoz

Just forgettable

And also stephi told me to let you guys know her choices for elimination are TIM URBAN and JERMAINE SELLERS!

So there we go! That’s it for round 1 of Semi-finals! Tonight are the results and a live performance by ALLISON IRAHETA singing Scars!

We’ll see if we were right or wrong!

UNTIL NEXT TIME! THIS HAS BEEN…..

UTTERLY HORRENDOUS!

Season 9 Audition Wrap Up and Awards!

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on February 7, 2010

IT’S A WRAP!

Idol brings the audition season to an end this week!

Did they find the NEXT ADAM LAMBERT?? Probably not.

How about the next David Archuleta?? Yes. Aaron Kelly. Look him up!

David Lew HERE!-After over 100,000 people auditions, American Idol sends 181 hopefuls to be whittled down to 24. This audition season seemed to showcase more sob stories and great singers than ever before. Where in the past it seemed they pushed the bad auditions, this year had a fair blend of good and bad.

There are definitely a lot of standouts (the John Parks, Matt Lawrences, Jermaine Sellers…), but it remains to be seen (unless you are spoiler queen *hint hint* Stephani. The top 24 list is just a Google search away, but I love the suspense of it all. SO I don’t look).

We have contestants with sketchy backgrounds and drama. Like Jermaine Sellers who allegedly pulled a “Music Man” type scheme by scamming local parents by casting a play and charging them “costume fees” and then cancelling the production without a single play produced. Who knows how true those allegations are.

This week also marked the return of Victoria Beckham to guest judge. What is it about British people that make them so good with critiques? She was probably the most helpful judge of the whole audition season. Overall, I wouldn’t mind if she was a permanent fixture on the judges panel.
and now……

——————————————————————————————————————————————–

Top 5

5. Jessica Furmey I definitely remember liking her a lot last year when she auditioned. This year, she ditched the long sleeve flannel for a more sheik look. Her voice was great this time despite the sappy Simon co-written song choice.

4. Haeley Vaughn This spunky teens goal is to be Countrys first black female star (obviously the first male black star being Cowboy Troy *I use the word STAR very very loosely* I can’t wait to hear Haeley sing some ballads, then we can see what her range is like.

3. Crystal Bowersox AKA Dreads I got a good vibe about this girl. I hope she makes utilizes the guitar during Hollywood Week and make it to the Top 24.  Couldn’t find her audition, so here is Crystal singing her audition song live at a cafe somewhere.

2. Mark Labriola In a weird way, he reminded me of Elliott Yamin. I can’t quite put my finger on it. This kid is great though. Loved the song choice (Squeeze- Tempted), one of my favorite songs of all time. I’ve been told several times that he and I look very similar…Which I kinda see. Mark has likability, decent voice and unique look: The Idol Trifecta.

1. Danelle Hayes Wow. I don’t know what it was about this one, but I was literally in tears through this whole audition. Maybe its the parallels of me being an up and coming comic and Danelle being a up and coming singer, but she turned me into an emotional wreck from beginning to end. Barring disaster song choices, a definite Top 12 spot is waiting for her.


Bottom 5

-5. Kimberly Bishop This girl. wow. She was loopy from the beginning. And I’m pretty sure the American Idol logo blocked her gal pal from being shown. And she complimented randy Jackson on losing weight.

-4. Shaddaii Harris On sheer enthusiasm alone, she deserves to be here. She had a swagger on her that screamed “NOTICE ME!” Unfortunately, her voice screamed “IGNORE ME!”

-3. Austin Paul Football and Idol officially don’t mix. The closest it’ll get is Jordin Sparks dad being a former NFL star. This kid has cocky written all over him and Kara was happy to take him down a notch. Austin is majoring in music composition and is a long snapper on his football team. Lets keep it that way.

-2. Adrian Chandtchi AKA 6’8 of Awkward. From the first mention of man flower to his last gasp letting the producers know  to let him know of “any job opportunities. You have my number.” Lets wish Adrian good luck at his next Swim Meet!

-1. Kenny Everett He says his voice is doing a service to his community. That service is death by song, and he is shrinking his communitys’ population every time he sings. He couldn’t believe the judges didn’t like him, so he roams the hallways haunting people with his voice after his audition. Poor people.

#1 AUDITION OF THE WEEK:

Didi Benami

Our next Idol? Possibly.

Kudos to Didi and her beautiful rendition of The Beatles hit “Hey Jude.” Her voice is unique, she has a great look, and her story of her recently passed best friend makes her a triple threat in the competition. Let’s see if she gets out of Hollywood and into the Top 24.

THAT CONCLUDES OUR WEEKLY WRAP UP!! AND NOW…

FIRST ANNUAL UTTERLY HORRENDOUS AUDITION AWARDS!

Best Guest Judge

Neil Patrick Harris

Worst Guest Judge

Joe Jonas

Blank stares and a random "yes." Thats it.

Smartest Auditioner/Highest IQ

Neil Goldstein

Saddest Back Story

Angela Martin

Worst Boob Bounce

Amy Lang

Best Eric Carmen High Note

Jayson Wilson

The “My Mom Would Be Proud” Award

Aaron Fullmer

Best Audition of the Year

Andrew Garcia

https://utterlyhorrendous.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=513&message=10

Worst Audition of the Year

Jarrod Norrell

There you have it! Congrats to all the winners!

NEXT WEEK IS HOLLY WOOD WEEK AND THE DEBUT OF…….

ELLEN!

Second Week! Top 5/Bottom 5. TWAIN vs CHENOWETH

Posted in American Idol by thedavidlewexperience on January 23, 2010

TWAIN

VS

CHENOWETH

This week takes us to Chicago and Orlando! Despite some DVR issues I was able to watch the episodes at a great friends house (HI! MELISSA! Thanks again! See you at this years finale!) Guest judges this week were Shania Twain (HOT AS EVER! When is she coming out with another album??) and Kristin Chenoweth (Who is the new Cher in the gay community i’m starting to learn). I have to say that I preferred these two to last weeks guest judges (do you remember?? I barely do. Na’vi Victoria Beckham and Mary J. Blige). They seemed to have more fun with the other judges and contestants.

Of both cities, the award for best city has to go to Orlando. Hands down. 31 golden tickets were handed out in Orlando, compared to 13 in Chicago. 13!!? Chicago!? WOW! Thousands show up but only 13 got a ticket. Either they had to slow down their invitations or the preliminary audition part was harder than usual.

Unfortunately this week, we weren’t given anything nearly as memorable or catchy as “Pants on the Ground” Which honestly, will that ever be topped? Probably not. I thought “I Am Your Brother” would never be topped, remember that guy?

but Pants on the Ground has GONE GLOBAL! However, we were treated to a lot great singers! Great singers with terribly tragic stories! Speaking of, we have come up with a fun way for adults to watch Idol!

*IDOL DRINKING GAME ALERT!*

(MUST BE 21 to play the IDOL DRINKING GAME)

Here’s how to play! There are different versions of the game. You can play Good audtion drinking game or Bad audition drinking game.

Good Audition Drinking Game!

Pick your drink of your choice. Set up by pouring 2-3 shots to start. If the person auditioning is good AND cries! TAKE A SHOT! If you really really REALLY wanna get drunk, you must add another shot if the good audition has a sob story! SO tears and sob story = TWO SHOTS! Have fun!!

Bad Audition Drinking Game!

Again, your choice of drink. Set up by pouring 2-3 shots to start. If the person auditioning is bad and curses while in the audition room= TAKE A SHOT! To step up the pace on this game, add another shot IF the person auditioning continues to sing AFTER the judges say no to them!
AND NOW LETS GO TO OUR TOP 5 /Bottom 5 of the week!!!

TOP 5

5. Desimone Sisters (Bernadette and Amanda)– This may be me drawing in the small male demographic who reads this. But here they are, the most beautiful pair of sisters to grace the Idol screen since the O’Donohue sisters from Season 5. Remember them?? Here, take a look to refresh your memory:

Unfortunately, she wasn’t as good as she was beautiful. But the Desimone sisters have some talent. Take a look, and let’s see how far they go!

4. Katelyn Epperly– Beautiful girl with a great voice. I love her look and the way she carries herself. Did I mention she’s gorgeous? I’m predicting her parents will be filmed at one point enjoying their daughter on the show!

3. Paige Dechausse– Another beautiful girl, but with a grittier voice. She sang an all time Idol favorite, Sam Cookes “A Change is Gonna Come.” And she does the best rendition I’ve heard in a long time. And I had never heard a female sing it on the show. To see Paige in the video, cut to 5:56. If you want to skip the back story then go to 6:57.

2. Seth Rollins– He was already a quick favorite since he and I share the same frame and beard look. haha. I also liked he took a Sinatra song and put some soul into it. He could be in the top 12 guys.

1. Matt Lawrence– Wow. What a voice. I have never agreed more with Simon than when he said he believed that he could have written that song, just by the way he sang and interpreted the lyrics. This guy could be “Oil Rig” 2.0! He sings better than Michael Sarver already.

BOTTOM 5

5. Curley Newbern– Started off the Chicago auditions with a terrible high note. He makes my list because I love that song, and he had the audacity to attempt to sing a MAXWELL SONG! At least he handled it well…

4. Brian Krause– HE SINGS TINY TIM? And he literally tip toes through the tulips. Plus he gives new meaning to “Military Intelligence”

3. Theo Glinton– The Black Lady GaGa. He was doing too much from the beginning. From the very first swing of his cape.

2. Harold Davis– Wow. If he didn’t name the song, I would have had NO idea what song he was singing. Ushers “Nice and Slow” WOW. Terrible. But since he wasn’t arrested. No #1 this week for you buddy.

1. Jarrod Norrell– I believe this is the first time an audition has ended in handcuffs. And for that reason alone he made it number 1.

Number 1 Audition of the Week:

JOHN PARK

I was not expecting the voice that came out of John Park. I was expecting typcal R&B flair, but he kicked out something vicious. I was absolutely impressed, and I’m sure we will see him in the Top 24 and beyond.ALSO, he was told by Shania Twain that he has “nice lips and a nice bottom end…” WOW. On that alone, he deserved number 1.

Thats it! Stay Tuned next week when the show heads to Los Angeles and Dallas! And the guest judges are Avril Lavigne *what has she been doing the last 4 years? Besides having a ridiculous amount of views on youtube…? 2nd judge is Katy Perry, a veteran herself of the recording industry and it’s vicious cycles.
Til Next Time!  -DL-